Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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