I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
