U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
