And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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