not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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