So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
