im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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