matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
