What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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