i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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