they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
