This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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