A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
