There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
