i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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