You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
