My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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