that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
