Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my being single is dangerous.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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