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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

  Fav 39 6065 1165

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

  Fav 22 4910 1288

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

  Fav 79 14597 1364

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• (925): View more from California

  Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

  Fav 19 6786 1474

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• 

  19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  he confused my yawn for an orgasm

  Fav 14 1377 6926

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Fav 37 14120 1683

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.

  Fav 30 1655 2282

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?

  Fav 22 2088 963

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• (512): View more from Texas

  My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?

  Fav 11 895 2268

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  17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing

  Fav 11 1168 761

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.

  Fav 1 721 436

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• (239): View more from Florida

  On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?

  Fav 5 545 385

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.

  Fav 1 451 129

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing

  Fav 0 159 87

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• (254): View more from Texas

  I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks

  Fav 2 66 9

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