There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also, beer. Big fan.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
