I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.