My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
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I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?