Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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