Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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