just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
