is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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