My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
