yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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