i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
