Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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