You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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