please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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