he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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