Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i've created a new STD.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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