Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
