quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
