I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
