I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
