Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
