I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
