Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
