I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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