soooo we both peed the bed last night...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
