Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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