but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
