So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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