Your face is a jimmy john
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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