I accidentally had phone sex last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
