just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Im part way to drunk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
