I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
