What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dear god my vagina.
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