remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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