Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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