And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
