the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
