I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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