i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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