I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
