You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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