u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
