it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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