i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
