well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
