Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He better not be in your backpack
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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