chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
